New Mega Man Robot Masters

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It can probably be a little hard to constantly come up with new Robot Masters concepts for the length of time the Mega Man franchise has been running. I have been aware that they accept contests to name and conceptualize some of them. I may be late, but that’s never stopped me from throwing my hat into a competition! Here are some ideas I’ve created. Capcom, you have my full discretion to use any of these!!

ERROR MAN

Wily was inspired to create this model after having to constantly reboot his CPU multiple Error Mantimes. He thinks Dr. Cossack might’ve uploaded some malware that compromised his programming. Sheesh, you kidnap a guy and this is the thanks you get!

His attack is the dreaded 404 Wave that compromises all of Mega Man’s weaponry for a short period of time and leaves him calling Microsoft Customer Support. While the Blue Bomber is stuck on call waiting, Error Man moves in for the kill!! Don’t fight him until you have acquired Firewall Shot from Norton Man.

CORVETTE MAN

Because of his terrible posture, unintelligible accent and bloodthirsty need for world Corvette Mandomination, Dr. Wily had a hard time trying to be the cool guy. As a bit of a self motivator, he created Corvette Man, because buying a rad sports car is easier to get people to like you than, you know, changing your personality. This backfired immediately, as Corvette Man barely hung around the base and instead was invited to parties, received advertising offers, and was constantly seen on photo shoots. His tricked out ride makes waaay too much noise, his flashy jewelry offended the elderly, and his customized vanity plates really just want to make you punch him in the face. All in all, he’s really more of a nuisance than a threat…that was, until, Mega Man saw him attempting to ask Roll out. He has to go.

The Boot Vice from Tow Truck Man can be really effective, but his rich dad will just pay the fine. Best thing to do is to just have Mega Man pour Dr. Pepper on his crisp, white seats. That’ll piss him off.

SERVE MAN

Once a fine waiter bot, but a bad Yelp review spelled the end of his tenure. Put out of work, he tried out as an animal mascot-themed restaurantServe Man for kids, but the insufferable music, various odors, and the knowledge that bratty 5-year-olds covered in pizza sauce don’t tip drove him immediately to madness. Dr. Wily sends the rouge waiter into high class restaurants to wreck their Zagat ratings as part of a grand scheme to launch his own chain of culinary dining venues. Sometimes, there’s a little more than world conquest behind a man.

Serve Man is the easiest. Before he begins the battle, just tell him you need a little more time, the rest of your party isn’t here yet.

“SERVED” MAN

Did…you just make eye contact with Served Man on the dance floor? Oh, snap, it’s ON!! Served Man wasn’t supposed to breakdance, but a flawed program in his articulation Served Mancaused him to Pop-n-Lock like nobody’s business. Served Man wanted to land a spot on the no. 1 hit show, So Your Reploid Has Talent? to show the world his sweet moves, and that his dancing isn’t because of a “flaw”! What kind of noise is that, son!? With his cap bolted to the side and his B Boy Stance, Served Man is taking on all comers to the dance floor!

How to beat him: One graceful spin from Top Man will put all of his moves to shame.

COSPLAY WOMAN

Cosplay Woman was originally supposed to offer tips on how to properly style anime hair and costumes via videos, but developed a bit of perfectionist complex. One trip to a convention as a special guestCosplay Woman caused her to go ballistic when she saw close to 1200 very minor flaws from people who designed their first cosplays. This did not sit well with Cosplay Woman and she was far beyond reason. She began to not only correct the costume mistakes, but made sure people couldn’t remove the outfits altogether! Which really bites, because people couldn’t reach their wallets and that God Eater statue of Alisa isn’t going to be there all weekend!! And also Matt Mercer thought she was rude.

How to beat her: When she compliments your cosplay outfit, tell her it was constructed entirely out of goods bought at various garage sales. Her head explodes.

WiFi MAN

WiFi ManWily’s only mass-produced Robot Master, WiFi Man was put up on Amazon.com as the sure thing in terms of high-speed connectivity and a wide range with the best security and a whole lot of people bought them!! WiFi Man immediately stole everyone’s passwords and redirected all the devices to boost Wily’s own signal. He just got Netflix and was trying to watch Daredevil, but with all the radio waves, machines, and metal walls, keeping a signal was pretty tough.

WiFi Man is a pain. Your CPU will say it’s not reading as your home Network setup, even though all the lights are flashing and the connections are fine. On the plus side, he’s great for gaming. Security code key is IMaSEXBISCUIT776

There you go Capcom. Have a blast!!

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About ColonelFancy

Comedy writer, video game reviewer, retro gaming enthusiast, artist and cartoonist, otaku. Advocate of science, logic, and reasoning.
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