NIS Fest: Ar Tonelico Melody of Elemia Part 4 – The Pen is Mightier…

ArTonelico Cover Art


I assume this is what goes through the mind of hunters.

So now, the dynamic duo if Jack and Lyner are off to the woods to blow up wild dogs with long-range, anti-air weaponry!



With the missiles, the fight doesn’t last very long. Ever notice that there isn’t some kind of wild animal regulation in these kinds of games? This happens all the time in Namco’s Tales series. Some road is being obstructed by a dangerous group of indigenous animals and someone will throw a treasure chest of cash at you to kill them. Our heroes readily accept wads of cash to lay waste to animals, whose territory needed to raise their young, that may just be defending themselves. I guess animal relocation doesn’t quite put experience points on the table…



“Their carcasses are still smoldering!!”


I don’t blame Lyner for being curt here, these people essentially extorted him for services by holding his own property hostage. I would be a little pissed. Even if I wasn’t carrying ID with me, I still seem to be dressed as an officer or something, if Lyner were a knight down here, that would be obstruction.


“…Wha?? Who are these young men!!? Where am I!?” My ass, you old coot! I doubt if they were any better than Tenba with this sort of shady, underhanded business dealing!


Cool, now we just need to get it fixed…



You Gotta Be Kidding Me


HA! Hahahahahaha! Now you attempt to pass the buck, after I went through the nonsense of learning to make missiles out of a used diaper and PVC tubing, went to the woods to murder Balto and his family!? I hope that your village wins a contest to be an opening town in another RPG, so you and your crooked ilk can be annihilated!!


…That’s probably the most obtuse way to say “You can find anything here!” Not to mention redundant. Whoever the “they” are must be banking their knowledge on others not looking for anything when they stop by. It can’t obtained if you don’t ask for it first.


I am legitimately waiting to find a person I can trust down here in this world. I’m not letting the walking cane and puffy white beard fool me. “I got my eye on you, Jay Qwelin!”


Well, relative to stopping a grease fire in your kitchen during the lunch rush, but you can take what you can get here.



Clearly that one path blocked by the dogs that I already established I can damage with my fire-based gun was the only thing preventing me from going home.”  Say, what was he doing prior to Lyner crashing?


……………………………………….What the hell?……………………………………….

Anybutt, since there is very little to shop for in town, other than some access Grathmeld stuff, it’s time to hit the road to Nemo.


CAMPING TIME“Let me get some missles to chop down the trees.




“I mostly berated you and called you an idiot. Oh and I distracted that girl…!”


Well, Ayatane and Lady Shurelia are being partially digested by now, my dad could potentially be hallowed out by digital termites…

JackLyner20camp The two have a brief fight about what each other are allegedly hiding. Lyner starts to be a little more clear about what he’s doing here.


JackLyner23camping“To tell everyone how tough it really is to be the one percent. First world problems, you know…”



No, no, the HIM crystal. It’s a necklace worn by Ville Valo fans, they claim you can hear his thoughts if you concentrate hard enough.


Show the guy that you still don’t know very well one of the sacred keys used to save all of existence. Ah, Jack looks trustworthy.


Being that he asked you what it was, I’m going to say no.


And AAA will still be about another 45 minutes.


I know that the lore of these games is finding everything you need right when you need it, but imagine going around and asking people in a lower world to fix a machine that they don’t see very often. Lyner hasn’t done too much to garner attention, but he isn’t really covering his tracks. Then again, you can’t just throw a tarp over an airship.


There is a good chance they may be transparently evil. But I HAVE heard they went almost two days without hitting women. Their newest hire, Ray Rice, will have to set the new standard.



Lady Baba will make you fight Mr. Popo to see if you are worthy.



A DO NOT ENTER: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY sign. Stops everyone, guaranteed!

JacklLyner36camp A tribe? That’s really unconventional, what do you do for fresh water, or sewage for that matter? Agriculture? Residence? Starting a civilization in a giant stairwell doesn’t sound like the smartest of ideas. More info on them later, it’s time for sleep, and we get some insight to Lyner and his father in the form of a sepia-toned dream.


Lyner37dream “Yes, you answered the test by circling all Ds, and this is a spoken-word essay.”



“He’s partially hair-triggered and doesn’t think very thoroughly. The perfect qualities for a grunt.”



Your mother and I talked this over. If you want clarification, go find out who your mother is and ask her, wherever she may be.


“Looking out for the best of this civilization by providing a suitable heir when you inevitably die!!”



“Well, being your dad, and King, I can totally do what I want. Besides, you can make your own choices when you stop crashing the Airship Simulator. That might come to haunt you in the future”


“Well, that depends on how smart you want to be in the near future, my boy.”


“I can assure you that you can make a bigger difference by passing laws and regulating society than wielding a weapon. Fighting should never be a means to an end, and it shows greater strength to raise your voice than to raise a weapon…you know what, I’m talking to the lead character of an RPG, what the hell am I saying??!”


“Sorry I can’t hear you over the gashapon dispenser you’re wearing on your head, Gypsy.”


…And the baby gets his bottle. Lesson learned; don’t discuss things in a reasonable fashion. Instead, whine and cry that you don’t get your way until things are exactly the way you like them. OUR HERO!!! he’s not even thinking about the fact that maybe his dad doesn’t want to see his only son lost on the battlefield!!


“And get yourself a SuperPac. Then gerrymander your districts so that you can remain in office and suppress the votes of the minorities by closing voting booths early on work days and bankroll off student loans and gridlock congress.”


“What do you want, Sephiroth? Or is it Aerith this time?”


“My stupid Dad probably demoted them after they were killed by the virtual bugs!”



There will prayer lines from here to the seven seas if you tell them you’re a profit. I’ll find out next time, when I head to Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland!!




About ColonelFancy

Comedy writer, video game reviewer, retro gaming enthusiast, artist and cartoonist, otaku. Advocate of science, logic, and reasoning.
This entry was posted in Video Games and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s