NIS Fest: Ar Tonelico Meledy of Elemia Part 3 – Grathmeld it So!!

ArTonelico Cover Art

(I want to apologize in advance. The pixel and picture format got warped and some of the smaller images may be too indistinguishable and squished to make out the dialogue. So I will retype the dialogue boxes accordingly so reading them wont be a headache. Very sorry for the inconvenience and I will try to keep this from happening again)

And it is now time to go tot hat town that is the only town I’ve been to thus far. Sheesh, I’m just trying to picture what the hell is happening back in Platina right now. Is the place just burned to ashes while Lyner is somewhere in an alley being beaten by hooligan kids?

A Jack and Lyner 1

Why? We already established what we needed to do, but sure, I’ll put you on for another session.

Jack n Lyner

I didn’t skip a word balloon. The first word out of Jack’s mouth was “great”. This might be small potatoes, but there is no illusory correlation with Lyner’s inquiry and Jack’s response!! Dammit, 100 words into this and already the dialogue between these two block heads has driven me pineapples!!

Jack n Lyner 2

So it looks like we can kill two birds with one stone here, though I would figure the Tenba Knights would’ve dispatched them at some point, just to rid themselves of a nuisance blocking a potential travel route. Or maybe they were too busy smacking women around. Anyways, this little trip to the inn accomplishes little to nothing as we already established that we should be heading to the forest.

A Jack and Lyner 6 Bad Joke

“Oh sure! They’re very catchy. I really like that Larry the Cucumber!” (Canned Laughter)

B World Map

So it’s off to the Cello Forest on the finest world map that the Sega Saturn could produce.

C Blue Wolves 1

 

Blue Wolves 1After a fruitless battle Jack learns their melee and ranged weapons do nothing against them. With all of this weapon ineffectiveness, I wouldn’t be surprised if Prince of Space jumped out and taunted me! Lyner, continuing to prove my theory that his brain is made of a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich and mismatched board game pieces, learns nothing from this despite the EXACT SAME THING happening in his home, which is the sole purpose of him being down here in the first place!!!

Blue wolves 2C Blue Wolves 5

fog horn

C Blue Wolves 6Scarier than the sentient, vicious, homicidal computer virus beasts that are, as we speak, destroying your kingdom??

C Blue Wolves 8

Oh Goddammit, WE WERE LITERALLY JUST THERE!!!! If you like the continental breakfast that much, just say so and stop jerking my crank here!! This inn has not been a beacon of useful information thus far, but maybe third time’s a charm!!!

Batman transistion scene

Insert 60’s Batman TV Show Transition Music here

 

So now we’re back at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn, where the towels are all so fluffy!!!

D Inn 1

D Inn 2

D Inn 3

Yes, Honey, fire attacks. Like imagine the clumsy way you swing your sword, only you’re on fire…and burning to death.

D Inn 4

Words are just bouncing off Lyner’s skull like ping pong balls. Slow down, Jack. He’s still struggling with the concept of waffles. So ladies reading this, quick question; how cute does a guy have to look to negate the fact that he’s barely smarter than a baby box turtle?

D Inn 5

And if I put MY heart into it, I could be a better basketball player than Lebron James. Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen…

D Inn 6 D Inn 7 Stop talking. Just stop talking. Stop. Stop talking. Stop talking. STOP…TALKING! JUST…STOP…TALKING!!!!

D Inn 10

It was your idea to partner up with him, Full-Metal Dingus.

D Inn 11

I suggest you fire your sources as soon as possible.

D Inn 12

D Inn 13

(????) I have nothing to add to that.

D Inn 14

I would actually press that issue. You are being a little too trusting of the man whom only tried to swindle you out of your ship when you first got here, granted there are other pressing matters.

D Inn 16 So after another roundabout discussion of transparent wolves with swords, which I skipped for pacing’s sake, Jack brings up a suggestion in the form of grathmelding.

D Inn 17

“Bombs, you say…?”

D Inn 18

D Inn 19“Thank you, Miss. By the way, this is the best loft I’ve ever stayed in. Sure hope you don’t have a tourist season, or you will have to order a ton of cots and air mattresses.”

D Inn 20 How fortunately coincidental of this.

Inn grathmeld

D Inn 22 D Inn 23 Can I have THIS girl in my party? She has been far more useful than the two knobs I’m playing as right now, and all she has done is spout exposition.

inn grathmeld 2Nice. “When there is a call to action, Jack might or might not be there!?”

D Inn 25

D Inn 26See, she’s just spilling with info.

D Inn 27 A vampire octopus, yes.

inn grathmeld 3

“Hellooooooo, Nurse!!!”

D Inn 29  D Inn 30  inn grathmeld 4 Please don’t ever say “handle someone’s grandkid” in any context! Suppose she turned out to be a bubbly 13 year old girl scout? Jack literally set record time for coming off as the creepiest self-proclaimed ladies man I’ve ever seen!

Now, to the tower!!!

 

Insert 60's Batman TV Show Transition music here

Insert 60’s Batman TV Show Transition music here

E Tower 1

See? chaos Christ, could your first line be anymore stalker-laced? “Hey, you’re that girl I’ve been asking around town about, right? I have some duct tape and a windowless panel van, if you’re interested!!”

tower girl 1  Tower girl 2 “You know, forget the name. Give me your bust size, a lock of your hair and your most recently washed undergarments. I can tell a lot about a girl by looking at the undergarments she isn’t wearing.”

Anyway her name is Missing Girl 100214, I mean Noelle. And the weirdness continues…

E Tower 4 E Tower 5 Ah, you know I thought when the Outback Steakhouse waitress was calling me “sweetie” that she was into me. Jack has never heard of customer courtesy.

E Tower 6” I’m planning an abduction! Now scram!!”

E Tower 7“I have some Grathmelding to do of my own, if you know what I mean”

E Tower 8 E Tower 9 Umm, okay? Is he a parrot?

tower girl 3 E Tower 12 A one-day course that involves a skill where you can make live rounds of ammunition?? Lyner’s right, the Lower World is a scary place. Maybe they should give a more politically correct name, like Econo-Land or Byston Well? Or whatever neutral faction that exists in a Gundam universe where they’re guerrillas, but are kind of nice, yet act like militias.

E Tower 14 So Grathmelding, after narrowing down the old man’s quasi-lengthy rant, is a little like what would happen if you took the Draw system from Final Fantasy 8 and converted that into maintaining your inventory, miscellaneous items, accessories, etc.. I’ll withhold judgment for how I feel about later, but right off the bat, I have some pros and cons about it. On one hand, it seems to put an incentive on item storage, which for most RPGs, you always wind up with a large cache of items you NEVER use. With Grathmelding, it sounds like, in theory, you will be able to cultivate the kinds of items/weapons that you intend on creating and using by deciding which recipe cards you want to get. On the other hand, the nuances I mentioned might not be present, and same items you could create after grinding and farming for hours could be purchased as a slightly higher price, rendering the exercise completely useless.

E Tower 15 Something like that can be cool. Just don’t include VERY important items, like elixirs. those should be earned. Remember when MP replenishing items in Final Fantasy 6 were nearly 1000 GP a piece? That shit is STEEP!!!

tower girl 5 Yes, Lyner, Homework! Because before you go off making incendiaries, you want to know how to do it first!

tower girl 6…I was joking, you crazy lunatic!! You know, haha heehee! Don’t tell Lyner, the Brain Dead Warrior Princess, that you can make weapons of death with diet alchemy!! Holy crap, what if you put this kind of skill into the hands of a brilliant mind?

Chiyo Chan

iTS READY

F Grathmeld 1  “Sure, just take the bathroom next to Walter White and clean up when you’re done.”

tower girl 7

“Tube socks, my missing car keys, counterfeit bills, Beta Max players, that cancelled Star Fox 2 game, a cohesive ending to Evangelion. The possibilities are endless!!”

Tower girl 8 The FAQUE!!!??? Damn it, that’s two jokes in a row that took a turn for the dark!! Chill out, Ar Tonelico!!

F Grathmeld 6  tower girl 9 Not as cool when everyone’s in on it, is it, Jack?

F Grathmeld 8 ” Ha ha ha ha, Grandpa! Rot in Hell!”

F Grathmeld 9

George

“Oh, you want me to GIVE it to you, huh?”

 

F Grathmeld 10  F Grathmeld 12 TO be fair, it doesn’t take much intelligence to make warheads that rain napalm down on people, but to each their own, I guess.

F Grathmeld 13

“She”, being Shari Lewis of Lamb Chop’s Play-Along.

F Grathmeld 15 I would hope so, unless the wolves developed anti-aerial assault weapons countermeasures in the last hour!!

tower girl 10

F Grathmeld 19 F Grathmeld 20 “She’s more interested in Ragna the Bloodedge.”

tower girl 11 (Audience laughs, then applauds) Next time on Ar Tonelico Melody of Elemia, I throw RPGs at some wild dogs and Lyner will probably mistake a pine cone for a hedgehog!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About ColonelFancy

Comedy writer, video game reviewer, retro gaming enthusiast, artist and cartoonist, otaku. Advocate of science, logic, and reasoning.
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