Today I was browsing around Amazon looking for a game to buy, something I haven’t played in a long time preferably. Thus I refound Arc the Lad. I was thinking about the possibility of giving that another run through when I realized… I hate Elk. The mere sight of him makes me angry beyond words, thus with that bit of passionate hate I decided to make this list. Enjoy!
10.) Jack Russell (Radiata Stories)- This guy is probably the most vanilla lead character I’ve ever played. He has nothing, no real personality, he’s just plain boring. I mean really boring, like staring at a blank tv screen boring. Fail.
But he doesn’t fail as hard as….
9.) Adell (Disgaea 2)- I wasn’t exactly expecting a second Laharl, but I was at least expecting personality. Adell doesn’t have the feel of an Atlus lead character.
8.) Marona (Phantom Brave)- If the other two lacked in personality than Marona just had to damn much of it. She’s the epitome of too much cute IS a bad thing. A horrible thing even. This girl is completely headache inducing as she tries her best to rot your teeth out.
7.) Hiro (Lunar Eternal Blue)- Hiro is the perfect example of a shonen lead. He’s adventurous, reckless, and a pervert. He also does a splendid job of accomplishing absolutely zilch. This guy couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag with a map, compass, and guide!
6.) Elk (Arc the Lad 2)- I love Arc! A lot, I was so excited about playing a second game as him that I could hardly contain myself. So when I popped in the second disc and was staring at this twat I was a little sad, but figured I’d deal. Elk however did nothing for the first three-quarters of the game but whine, bitch, and moan about hating Arc. It didn’t matter what he saw, or what the heroes did, or how obvious the signs were, this guy just ignored everything. Then at the end of it all he has the audacity to be upset when Arc and Kululu die!?!?!?! How freaking hypocritical can you get? Asshole.
5.) Cless Alvein (Tales of Phantasia) Cless is a man without a clue. He travels across the time space continuum to defeat someone who has technically done nothing wrong, all for the sake of revenge…..wait what? So Cless’ village just got burnt crispy by some guys who wanted to awaken the demon lord right, the demon lord wakes up, fries the bad guys who woke him up….and now we want vengeance on said demon lord? That makes even less sense than most video game quests do.
4.) Luke Fon Fabre (Tales of the Abyss)- This guy really impressed me. He is the most foppish whiny loser ever! I’ve heard that he develops amazingly as a character, but for the love of biscuits and gravy I can’t get past his starting personality to want to see him develop. He’s great at ignoring the most obvious signs, he whines more than Shinji Ikari could even dream of, and for the love of god when we got to “but I killed a human…..” I’m sorry I just can’t take this crap.
3.) Shion Uzuki (Xenosaga)- Pompous, rude, and incredibly arrogant. She’s bossy to the point of just being annoying. She treats those around her like absolute crap, like poor Allen. She’s a freaking idiot, Yay let’s listen to the really dead boyfriend, TeeHee! She wasn’t even suspicious of this guy, let’s all be shocked when he’s evil right? She’s too busy using people to be able to see past her own nose.
2. Claude C Kenny (Star Ocean Second Story)- I had to wrestle between Claude and Shion for spot number two here, but for me it was way more personal with Claude. This guy didn’t tell his friends that their ENTIRE planet exploded. Everyone you know and love is dead, but I’m not going to tell you that. Oops. He whines incessantly and when the girl he likes dares mention another guys name (Dias) he freaks out like having other friends is going to drive a wedge between the two characters that can never be repaired. Then if you do recruit said other male party member, then Claude forgets his entire macho ‘Only I can protect you’ speal of complete bs and says ‘great we can use your strength….Wait, that’s such a change of direction I think I just got whiplash. Then there’s the anime adaptation ‘how many of Dias’ special moves can I copy in one day’. Worthless completely freaking worthless.
1.) Cloud Strife (FInal Fantasy 7)- So Cloud doesn’t care about the Planet or Avalanche right? So why’s he trying to save the world? Oh for no reason other than your standard petty revenge of course. Now here’s the kicker, Cloud’s trying to get revenge for *drumroll please* events that never even happened because his memory is completely screwed up for…some reason. Eventually we find out that Cloud is a lying bastard. He lies about anything and everything. My personal favorite bit of Cloud awesomeness though is “Shinra’s going to launch a piece of giant materia at the meteor to try to save the planet? I can’t allow that! We have to go hijack a space shuttle so we can hit meteor with the materia…….” So why did we just step on Rude’s face? Well you know why not? then there’s Advent Children which is a whole new can of worms that I’m not even going to launch into right now…..
I hope you enjoyed my highly opinionated take on RPG leads and how some of them are complete and utter fail. This list honestly could have been twice as long and venomous, but I do need to sleep some time tonight.